just my self!
This is s0mething that I havent written myself.. but found it on net by some anonymous writer.. and I can relate to myself with this completely these days.. its just one of those bad times im going through.. although nothing bad has really happened alhamdulila..but still im int0 the blue these days.. and cant figure out h0w to come out of it.. so I dedicate it to myself..
Slowly drowning in my sorrow
Wishing things would be better tomorrow
Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,
gradually sinking and gasping for air.
Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off
Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.
Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact
out of fear of how those close to me, might react.
Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a woman, burry themselves deep in my head
As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.
Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,
makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.
Since it seems like things will always be this way,
its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.
~aliza~
weird thoughts~
So it’s been quite a while since I did blogging.. was just busy and caught up with some work and then MBA.. hardly got time.. and then again I use to think about what to write. But now as I had time too and a lot has been going on my mind so I thought.. Why not write something. Write about my weird thoughts and state of mind.. After all its my blog I can just write anything and everything here ;-)..
These days I am caught up in weird problem.. my mind can’t just stop thinking.. I mean I was an insane person since the beginning I know.. But now it’s just getting weirder and tougher to get a grip on my thought, to get things straight and to live peacefully. And there’s just not one thing that’s making me feel this way. It’s a mix of a million things. G0SH..! its just crazy.
To begin with.. a few weeks back I went to a consultant for my UK higher education process.. as this thing was getting on y nerves and I really wanted to go. So Faiza (my best friend) and myself, we went and were shocked to find out that; ‘AP LOGON KA HO TO SAKTA HAI KOI MASLA NAHI, BUT ITS VERY EXPENSIVE AROUND 30,00,000 RS.” (u guys can go easily, not a prob but its very expensive, around 3 million rs. DUHHH!!! I dunno about faiza, but I was in a state of shock! I swear I felt devastated and I felt like dying. I wanted to go so badly but I had to crush my biggest dream my own self under my own feet! It was hard.. Believe me damn hard. I literally disappeared, turned off my cell, deactivated facebook.. I just didn’t wanted to talk to anyone.. I can’t tell u how I tolerated my family those days coz I had no option of going somewhere alone. Any way somehow I managed to get a grip on myself that time and tried to forget it coz realistically it just wasn’t possible. ANOTHER DESIRE BURNT BY MY OWN SELF AGAIN! Still when I think about it.. it hurts! *SIGHH* :’(
This was not enough for my stupid mind to let it go, stop thinking and be at peace.. when I finally realized k I was fooling my self all along. I wont really say love, but I really started liking a friend of mine. Like really did! Damn I couldn’t believe.. k this could happen.. to tell you honestly.. I HATE THIS LOVE SHIT! I litraly do. When u don’t have feelings for any one and when u dun feel like being wanted and loved back.u r at peace believe me.. I was better off when I was this strong person who use to curse love and my friends to get out of this shit! LOVE RUINS YOU.. butt I fell for it my self. Bloody hell! My first experience was a disaster and it changed me. The strong , confident aliza died and this person I am n0w is just someone I hate. If there was just some was to get myself back I swear I would happily go back in time.. (looks like I need to get that dagger from prince of Persia; the sand of time, where u can go back in time.. l0ls if only it was possible) ahh well!! Back to present.. yeah so as I was saying I couldn’t believe I could actually like him although he has 70 percent habits and attitude that goes against me. Yet I dunno why I like him. But now im trying to talk to him as less I can may be this will help me getting over him. My friends asked me to tell him, but I just don’t wanna make the first move. If he realizes, gets serious in life and actually likes me than he should tel me.. other wise I will just forget him, and crush another desire my own self..coz sum how I dun care nemore! l0l WOW I SHOLD GET AN AWARD OF CRUSHING MY OWN DREAMS AND DESIRES, ALWAYS!
Another crazy thing that is ongoing these days is.. how would life be if I was alone, independent, answerable to no one at all.. although I love my mom, dad, sis and bro a lot and I pray that God gives them a long and happy life, but I dunno why theres just a bug inside my head of living alone, being professional and all! Crazy crazy me!
This all was not enough when I had to step into my fantasy world again! L0ls.. thanks to my dearest MB and faiza who introduced me to this Indian tv show “GEET” and orced me to watch it and when I did! Dear g0d , I couldn’t stop watching it. L0ls. Im not and Indian drama freak at all and I have never been so deep fan of Indian saas bahu soaps. For my beckham and Edward Cullen were perfectly enuff to like when I became a great fan of this MAAN KHURANA .. l0l I swear this man has something.,. more than his looks, it’s the way he is , the character, the perfect professional and emotional at the same time.. oh man hes just perfect! MB said to me.. DA this is our type.. this is what we want! And shes true! But the truth is also this that its just a tv serial.. perfection like this doesn’t exist in reality! Hes a complete perfect package which u don’t get in reality! *SIGH* now don’t think im an Indian drama freak.. lol this one is different and I just watch it coz or MR.PERFECT! lol.. as I said im an insanely insane person .. :P
Living in fantasies is crazy.. but I think ur fantasies only hurt u and u know these are ur own created.. if u get hurt u know u r the reason for it. But when life is so weird.. when nothing is right than ur fantasies , though only unrealistically and for a small time make u happy.. ah well.. I dunno its really hard to understand me.. sometimes I really cant understand my self.. so now I can only dream again.. may be I will get my MK hopefully. *fingers cr0ssed* hehehe!
A lil thing… what ever I wrote I dun really care what will any one who reads think about me.. its just what I am, how I am.. and I don’t care if people have issues with it. :-)
Cheers*
c0nfession~
when y0u cant really say it t0 a pers0n that h0w much u have started t0 l0ve him.. s0metimes the w0rds written speaks better than w0rds.. im not in l0ve at the m0ment with anyone but my dear becks.. :) but still here i wr0te s0mething.. a c0nfession :)
It’s the days when I feel im flying high,
At night when I lo0k ab0ve at the sky,
I see y0ur angel face in the stars,
Y0u’ve come in my life as a heal for my sCars.
I didn’t knew I would ever feel this way,
But n0w I know I want you to f0rever stay.
Like the sun y0u have brighten my life,
You’re like the glow of that beautiful mo0n at night!
Theres just s0mething about y0u that drives me insane,
I kn0w without y0u my life wont be the same.
Y0ur presence makes me happy and alive,
I wish I c0uld always be with y0u by y0ur side.
The intensity is s0mething I cant explain in w0rds,
I admit that I l0ve you and y0u are my wh0le new w0rld.
I d0nt think I c0uld ever c0nfr0nt y0u with this,
But in my w0rds, it’s a c0nfessi0n of bliss!
~AlizA~
WORDS- THE BEAUTY AND ESSENCE OF POETRY
WORDS- THE BEAUTY AND ESSENCE OF POETRY
Words beautifully written are the best way to express feelings, emotions, moods and even the most extreme desires. The power of words lies within the mind of an individual whose heart gives that person support to create a master piece. And these words are the beauty of poetry, which is the beauty and essence of poetry.
Once in a while, when the moment is evident and feelings fill my heart and words, my mind, I am forced to write a poem, out of personal insight and to enlighten my thoughts and feelings. These poems have a mood of their own, their own story to tell, and after I write the first line, words come flowing in. when I am in the process of writing the poem, I feel completely absorbed in it until it is finished, and when the poem is conclude, a deep feeling of satisfaction strikes me and that moment of pleasure, I truly cherish.
I started writing four years ago, when I was going through a dark phase of my life. Usually I have written about loss, betrayal and dishonesty, because these are the feeling I have felt the most. Here, however I will enlighten on the poem that I deeply value. I have always been inspired by the dark silent nights, rain, and seas. I just love the moonlight seeking through the dark clouds reflecting beautifully on the sea. Standing at the shore wind brushing though my face, soaking in the rain and absorbing the beauty of the silent night has been my ultimate fantasy. And for that I wrote something which for me is my most beautiful creation up till now…
IN THE BEAUTY OF THE SILENT NIGHT
In the beauty if the silent night,
Purple haze beyond the twilight.
The peaceful, soothing surrounding sea,
Indicating something is about to be.
Blurry images of sailing ships,
At a distance I see from where I sit.
Suddenly I hear a painful sound,
So clear, I feel someone is around.
When the moonlight seeks through the Horizon,
A beautiful shadow comes in my vision.
Lovely, glowing wrapped up in white,
Curiosity in my heart it ignites.
Following it I quietly walk,
In the midst of somewhere it abruptly stops.
Thunder strikes and it begin to rain,
Adding to the beauty of this silent pain.
Standing on the rock I absorb the scene,
It slowly turns and smiles at me.
Lost in its beautiful mystic eyes,
Watching it disappear in the grey skies.
I realized it was just another wandering spirit,
In the beauty if the silent night.
This poem speaks of a lost soul like myself, wandering in search something. Someone, who has been through pain of life and seeking a bright ray of light, and after writing this the night even looks more beautiful to me.
When I write, it feels like I am releasing my burden. I sacrificed a lot in the way of love that I gave freely and in return I went through torment, sorrow and grievous pain. And now, the words I give my poems are my priceless jewels, my assets that I value a lot.
~Aliza~
Frustrati0ns 0v life!
Frustrations of life
These are s0me questi0ns dat I usually ask myself ..
Why it happens that sometimes life becomes so complicated.?
Why is it that sometimes in life deciding or judging between the right and wrong becomes so difficult?
Why does it happens that you have to live the way other wants, be the way they want to see you?
Why does life becomes so painful and miserable that you loose all hope of something good to happen and survival becomes difficult?
When you feel so lonely, no one is there to understand you, infact people take you for granted.
Something that really touched me..
Lonely am I
Lonely are the nights
Lonely are the days
Lonely am I, in so many ways
Lonely are the seasons
Lonely are the years
So lonely am I, that it brings tears.
Lonely is this place
Lonely is my life
Lonely am I, that I reach for a knife
Lonely is this court room
Lonely is my sentence
So lonely am I that I ask for repentance.
jim foulk.
Sometimes there are so many questions in life which remain unanswered. When all hope is lost, faith is still there.. N i have faith in my God dat someday I will find my directions, I believe even if everyone leaves me alone, God will always be there with me, and someday He will listen to me…
PeaCe..^~
~AlizA~
The stranger
dedicated t0 dat stranger.. :) written by myself.
~The Stranger!
When I meet y0u, what happens is very strange,
When i leave. y0ur mem0ries still retain.
Why d0es the magic 0f y0ur trance always remain,
Y0ur myateri0us being leaves me in vain.
Day after day, night after night,
I get c0nfused in whats fake and whats right!
Y0ur face is s0 inn0cent, l0vely and bright,
My heart skips a beat at y0ur 0ne sight.
What is it ab0ut y0u thats h0lding me back?
0r is it the will t0 pr0ceed that I lack!
All i kn0w ab0ut y0u is what y0u're called,
If i'm in l0ve with y0u, its n0t my fault.
Pe0ple say i'm crazy and have g0ne insane,
But what can I d0, im just l0ving this pain.
I d0nt have the p0wer t0 suppress it inside,
May I be lucky s0meday t0 have y0u by my side.
The flames 0v passi0n in my heart y0u ignite,
I'm 0verly 0bsessed with y0u and this feeling i cant fight!
I d0nt care ab0ut the w0rld's fuss and anger,
I cant st0p l0ving that beautiful stranger!!
~AlizA~
The Purpose
An individual goes through many phases in life.. The search of finding one's purpose of being in this world and living is a very difficult thing to find. A lot of problems are faced by everyone, the solutions of which are very hard to find. Very few lucky ones do get their destination, while other die in the search.
I don't know who i really am, what i really want or why am i really here in this world. i am a messed up mind and so i write something for my own self. This is what i feel and go through...
Another one of my own work dedicated to my own self!
I’m walking on a lonely road,
It’s the destination that I’m looking for.
The darkness prevails in my days and nights,
It’s the ray of light I’m looking for.
I have a clutter of people around me,
Its one true friend that I’m looking for.
The way of life is already there,
It’s the guidance that I’m looking for.
Stars are scattered on the sky,
Its just my moon I’m looking for.
Devils and demons are all around,
Its just an angel I’m looking for.
I’ve lost a lot in my life,
Hope is what I’m looking for.
Why is there frustration inside me?
Happiness is all I’m looking for.
I carried my burden myself all along,
I think its just ME I’m looking for.
Everyone in this world is born for a reason,
It’s the purpose of my life I’m looking for!
Aliza.
