weird thoughts~
So it’s been quite a while since I did blogging.. was just busy and caught up with some work and then MBA.. hardly got time.. and then again I use to think about what to write. But now as I had time too and a lot has been going on my mind so I thought.. Why not write something. Write about my weird thoughts and state of mind.. After all its my blog I can just write anything and everything here ;-)..These days I am caught up in weird problem.. my mind can’t just stop thinking.. I mean I was an insane person since the beginning I know.. But now it’s just getting weirder and tougher to get a grip on my thought, to get things straight and to live peacefully. And there’s just not one thing that’s making me feel this way. It’s a mix of a million things. G0SH..! its just crazy.
To begin with.. a few weeks back I went to a consultant for my UK higher education process.. as this thing was getting on y nerves and I really wanted to go. So Faiza (my best friend) and myself, we went and were shocked to find out that; ‘AP LOGON KA HO TO SAKTA HAI KOI MASLA NAHI, BUT ITS VERY EXPENSIVE AROUND 30,00,000 RS.” (u guys can go easily, not a prob but its very expensive, around 3 million rs. DUHHH!!! I dunno about faiza, but I was in a state of shock! I swear I felt devastated and I felt like dying. I wanted to go so badly but I had to crush my biggest dream my own self under my own feet! It was hard.. Believe me damn hard. I literally disappeared, turned off my cell, deactivated facebook.. I just didn’t wanted to talk to anyone.. I can’t tell u how I tolerated my family those days coz I had no option of going somewhere alone. Any way somehow I managed to get a grip on myself that time and tried to forget it coz realistically it just wasn’t possible. ANOTHER DESIRE BURNT BY MY OWN SELF AGAIN! Still when I think about it.. it hurts! *SIGHH* :’(
This was not enough for my stupid mind to let it go, stop thinking and be at peace.. when I finally realized k I was fooling my self all along. I wont really say love, but I really started liking a friend of mine. Like really did! Damn I couldn’t believe.. k this could happen.. to tell you honestly.. I HATE THIS LOVE SHIT! I litraly do. When u don’t have feelings for any one and when u dun feel like being wanted and loved back.u r at peace believe me.. I was better off when I was this strong person who use to curse love and my friends to get out of this shit! LOVE RUINS YOU.. butt I fell for it my self. Bloody hell! My first experience was a disaster and it changed me. The strong , confident aliza died and this person I am n0w is just someone I hate. If there was just some was to get myself back I swear I would happily go back in time.. (looks like I need to get that dagger from prince of Persia; the sand of time, where u can go back in time.. l0ls if only it was possible) ahh well!! Back to present.. yeah so as I was saying I couldn’t believe I could actually like him although he has 70 percent habits and attitude that goes against me. Yet I dunno why I like him. But now im trying to talk to him as less I can may be this will help me getting over him. My friends asked me to tell him, but I just don’t wanna make the first move. If he realizes, gets serious in life and actually likes me than he should tel me.. other wise I will just forget him, and crush another desire my own self..coz sum how I dun care nemore! l0l WOW I SHOLD GET AN AWARD OF CRUSHING MY OWN DREAMS AND DESIRES, ALWAYS!
Another crazy thing that is ongoing these days is.. how would life be if I was alone, independent, answerable to no one at all.. although I love my mom, dad, sis and bro a lot and I pray that God gives them a long and happy life, but I dunno why theres just a bug inside my head of living alone, being professional and all! Crazy crazy me!
This all was not enough when I had to step into my fantasy world again! L0ls.. thanks to my dearest MB and faiza who introduced me to this Indian tv show “GEET” and orced me to watch it and when I did! Dear g0d , I couldn’t stop watching it. L0ls. Im not and Indian drama freak at all and I have never been so deep fan of Indian saas bahu soaps. For my beckham and Edward Cullen were perfectly enuff to like when I became a great fan of this MAAN KHURANA .. l0l I swear this man has something.,. more than his looks, it’s the way he is , the character, the perfect professional and emotional at the same time.. oh man hes just perfect! MB said to me.. DA this is our type.. this is what we want! And shes true! But the truth is also this that its just a tv serial.. perfection like this doesn’t exist in reality! Hes a complete perfect package which u don’t get in reality! *SIGH* now don’t think im an Indian drama freak.. lol this one is different and I just watch it coz or MR.PERFECT! lol.. as I said im an insanely insane person .. :P
Living in fantasies is crazy.. but I think ur fantasies only hurt u and u know these are ur own created.. if u get hurt u know u r the reason for it. But when life is so weird.. when nothing is right than ur fantasies , though only unrealistically and for a small time make u happy.. ah well.. I dunno its really hard to understand me.. sometimes I really cant understand my self.. so now I can only dream again.. may be I will get my MK hopefully. *fingers cr0ssed* hehehe!
A lil thing… what ever I wrote I dun really care what will any one who reads think about me.. its just what I am, how I am.. and I don’t care if people have issues with it. :-)
Cheers*
posted by alizamoiz @ 7:20 PM
